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There is nothing better than a child’s laugh – pure, unadulterated joy. I’m visiting my daughter and celebrating her son’s second birthday. It has been so much fun! Rather than getting a list from my daughter with what to get my grandson, I decided we’d just make it an annual tradition to take him shopping and let him pick out his own presents. I thought it might be crazy with him wanting everything he saw but, even at two, he has likes and dislikes and just picked a few thin

Ripples in a pond I am not just what you see. I have strength you cannot imagine. I have endured more than most. I’ve lived through nightmares that haunt me still. You don’t see my struggles but that doesn’t mean they aren’t there. You see me smiling and nodding, pretending to understand conversations I can’t follow. You see me successful but not the work it took to get there. My pain is real, even if you don’t see it. I am who I am. I want to like myself. I think of what I’v

Close up of an astronaut uniform with black background I always loved to dream, to think of paths not travelled, to wonder how my life could be different. That has stopped. I’m grieving dreaming or musing about future possibilities. I’ve realized that all my musings aren’t real. The dreams aren’t going to come true. I’m unable to work. I’m past being able to learn new skills. My cognitive impairment has robbed me of that. I’m past the point of being able to do what I dream of

A friend of mine came to me and said, “I want to go home.” I knew what she meant. She’s tired of this world and wants to go home. I told her I understand, I want to go home too. I was 12 when I first tried to kill myself. Fourteen the second time. Nineteen when I flagged down a police car and went to a psychiatric ward for the first time. There have been other stays when the thought of dying became too real. I was told I was looking for attention. They’re right. They were cal

I’m working my way through the stages of grief: one minute I’m angry. The next depressed. The next accepting. The periods of acceptance are getting longer, but the reality of my situation is wearing me down. I have frontotemporal dysfunction. As one neurologist put it, “You don’t have dementia. Your brain just thinks it does.” In 2017 I underwent electroconvulsive therapy (ECT). Normal course of treatment is once a week for 12 weeks. I had it 2-3 times per week for 7 months.

I’ve been through a lot in my life – more than some, less than others. My latest struggle – frontotemporal dysfunction – has thrown me for a loop. I find myself wanting to be done, to go “home”. The struggles that make up my life have become overwhelming. It’s become a spiritual struggle as I try to find the reasoning behind why I must endure trial after trial. Haven’t I been through enough? Haven’t I given enough? Broken, I found myself turning to the book of Job. Job was a

I have been married for 37 years. We’ve had years when our relationship was just beginning: starting a family, struggling to build a business, and growing up ourselves. Then there were the hard years. Years when needs didn’t get met and disillusionment set in. Years when the word “divorce” was seriously considered, and then there were the building years. Finances stabilized and kids left the nest. Times where we saw each other as partners. We’d weathered the storms together.

Today there are No Kings protests happening all over the country. I have several friends and fellow church members attending our local gathering. I wholeheartedly agree with the protesters. I’m terrified of what’s happening to our country, The Make America Great Again believers are doing anything but making it great. Our country now lives in fear, never knowing who will be detained, taken or sent away. Our economy is reeling from rising costs and mass layoffs. Businesses are

We live in such terrifying times. Each day brings more atrocities. People are dying. People are hurting. People are scared. We never...

What does it mean to trust God? I’m not talking about belief. I believe in God with all my heart. I don’t believe a world as complex as...

Sometimes when I write, I write what I think, not what I feel. This is that week. John 16:33 “I have told you these things, so that in me...

I was 12 when I first tried to kill myself. Twelve. I was a child, and I was in so much pain I wanted to die. Sit with that. There was so...

When I started thinking about what I was going to write about this week, the words, “I will rise” came to mind. As I thought about it...

Well, my journey went over a little bump this week. Wait, scratch that. My journey went over a friggin’ boulder in the middle of a narrow...

“How are you?” “I’m fine, and you?” “I’m fine.” The most banal and yet deceptive conversation that takes place thousands of times at...

My heart broke tonight. I was talking to my wife, complaining about the latest symptom to show up: apathy and she shared her doubt about...

What struck me today is that one of the hardest parts of having dementia is the loneliness. No one understands the pain, the fear. Those...

Luke 12:13-21 13 Someone in the crowd said to him, “Teacher, tell my brother to divide the family inheritance with me.” 14 But he said...

When I preached last Sunday, I said the words, “I have dementia”. I have been using the diagnosis ”frontotemporal degeneration” as if...

I have an invisible disability. I don’t use a wheelchair or cane. When you talk to me, I seem together. My symptoms don’t raise red flags...