Power of the written word

“I’m sorry” I cry out, repeating it over and over. “Why do you hate me?” Tapping into the feelings I had with an abusive father, I crouch in a corner of my mind instead of a room. In the dark of night, I lie on my bed praying, tears rolling down my face, anguish in the sound of my voice. I confess my sin and acknowledge that He knows everything and I only want to serve Him. But I want answers from Him. If I’m loved, if I’m forgiven, why is He making my worst fears come true?

All told, I saw four different neurologists for my cognitive impairment. The first in 2019 who ordered the first neurocognitive exam. The second in 2024 who ordered the second neurocognitive exam. Back to the first neurologist who told me I didn’t have dementia, my brain just thinks I do, and there was no point in seeing me again. Back to the second neurologist who then ordered a PET scan. She referred me to a third neurologist at Seattle Women’s Brain Health and then finally

In 2024 I underwent a second neurocognitive assessment to assess the mental struggles I was experiencing. I was concerned after worsening the last few years following a Mild Cognitive Impairment diagnosis in 2019. It was the same process I had gone through five years before. The test was harder than I remembered but I thought I was fine. When we got to the results appointment, I wasn’t overly concerned. I didn’t know my world was about to tip. At the appointment to review the

As I sat waiting for my appointment for my first neurocognitive exam, I was nervous and excited. I wanted answers and hoped these tests would provide them. I was dealing with extensive memory loss. I’m extremely intelligent and worried my intelligence was fading away. I was afraid of my deterioration. I've always been independent. I’ve always valued my intelligence and now it felt like I was losing how I viewed myself. The assessment itself was easy. I managed most of the tes

From September 2017- February 2018 I underwent electroconvulsive therapy (ECT) for schizoaffective disorder two to three times per week for six months. Memory loss is common with ECT and I got hit hard. It severely impacted my memory, but all the doctors said it was temporary. It was not. We waited for it to get better. By 2019, it was clear that it wasn’t. It started with holes on the day of my treatments. Then it spread. By August 2019 it was clear it was sticking around an

I underwent electroconvulsive therapy (ECT) for 7 months. It was probably the most impactful event I have ever had in my life. I experienced devastating memory loss. Its ramifications extended into all aspects of my life. At first, I experienced inconveniences such as not remembering where the glasses were kept in the kitchen but then I forgot negative memories that had ruined my life with bitterness and jealousy. I was so impaired from mental illness I risked everything, but