Family

I just got back from a California trip for my cousin’s daughter’s wedding. It was wonderful to spend time with family. I reconnected with some I’ve loved since I was a child and got to know the next generation I’ve had minimal contact with. I got to meet some family members that I’d never met before. I had long conversations with them. We went sightseeing and spent time just being together.

I didn’t feel up to travelling by myself but, fortunately, my aunt and uncle were driving down and let me tag along. Both of my aunts on that side of the family have gone out of their way to make sure I’m still part of the family since my mother passed three years ago.

There were challenges. I was in a gastroparesis flare which means my usual restricted diet was even more essential to follow. I was in pain most of the time. There was one day, however, when I didn’t wake up in pain. Usually, that’s my first thought: “my stomach hurts”. It made the restrictions easier to deal with since I could see the benefits of not eating much.

I found myself overtired but avoided a full-on psychotic break. A couple days I had to excuse myself as the voices got loud but it wasn’t obvious and didn’t happen often.

My cognitive impairment reared its ugly head. Once was when I was having a lovely conversation with my first cousin once removed. She was sharing with me career ideas for my son. He wasn’t there, but is taking classes in Chemistry while she is a Chemical Engineer. I couldn’t remember her name even though, as the oldest of that generation, I had known her since she was a child. We also took a trip to Alcatraz which has a wonderful audio tour that I got lost trying to follow what the speakers were saying. I wandered through the prison, trying to connect what was being said with where I was supposed to go. It upset me greatly.

As the vacation neared its end, I realized I probably won’t do this again. The stress, the frustration, the constant presence of others wore me out. But I made sure everyone knew they were loved and always welcome to visit me. I felt connected to my family in ways I never had before. I told my aunts how much I appreciated them. I wasn’t on the outside looking in. I hope my family comes to visit. Family is important. Now, I realize how true that statement is.

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Photo by Marissa Grootes on Unsplash