Today Pastor Malcolm preached on Matthew 28:16-20. His sermon was on the trinity as today was Trinity Sunday, but I connected with Matthew 18:20b “And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”
I’ve written before about the loneliness I often feel. Having a severe mental illness is isolating. Few people understand the struggle I face. Some people are afraid of my intensity. Some people just don’t like me. That’s been hard for me to accept but I’m coming to understand that the loneliness I feel isn’t always connected to reality. I’m not alone. I have Brittany. I have a few close friends and family members who care.
Last night I cried, begging God to bring someone to help me deal with my struggles and stumbling blocks. He reminded me of the gift I have in Brittany. We’ll be married 35 years in September. She’s my best friend, my strongest supporter, and the love of my life, but sitting in church today I realized that even if I lost her, I have God, and He’s not going anywhere.
I’ve always believed in God, and I’ve never doubted His power, but I have doubted His presence in my life. I’ve doubted that He REALLY loves me. I’ve doubted He’s REALLY with me. Part of that is due to delusions that distort my thinking. Part of it is fear of rejections after experiencing such loss in my life. But either way it’s not true. I’m not unloved or unlovable. I am not alone. God loves me, strengthens me and is WITH me, ALWAYS.