As part of my becoming a certified lay minister, I’ve been working with my pastor to grow as a spiritual leader. One discussion we had was the use of the name, “Heavenly Father”. He was sensitive to those hearers who couldn’t conceive of a Heavenly Father because their own father was so detached, angry or manipulative. It grieved me. My father was an abusive alcoholic who wasn’t around much while I was growing up but instead of not wanting to use the term “Heavenly Father” I wanted to use it all the more. I clung to the idea that there could be a father that wouldn’t leave me or abuse me. A father that wasn’t a victim of human failings but was perfectly loving and accepting of me.
My faith keeps me going and I place my faith in a loving, forgiving, merciful God. I can count on Him, he won’t betray me. That’s not to say I don’t have issues with father figures. I have a hard time seeing myself as lovable because I feel unworthy of love. I have a hard time seeing myself as forgiven because I feel guilty about a myriad of issues. I have a hard time trusting in a God that isn’t judgmental or critical.
Do you have those same questions? I know for myself I’m studying and exploring who God is and what I believe. I’m rewriting those scripts in my head that tear me down instead of belief in a God that lifts me up. I’ve become sensitive to the words I use to describe God. I’m sensitive to what people bring to the church and respectful of other ideas. But above all else I increasingly trust God more and prayerfully doubt less. I pray that I can show His love to everyone I meet.
Photo by Laura Fuhrman on Unsplash
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