This has been an interesting month. When I prepare to write for my blog or newsletter, I pray and ask God for the words to write – that they may speak to someone in need. I don’t say that to sound pious or self-righteous but to grant credit where credit is due. My writing is more than just me. So, this month, like the months before it, I prayed and waited for the words to come. And I waited. And I waited. And I waited. I struggled to find the message until Sunday morning’s service spoke to me. I realized I was waiting to receive words that had already been given to me. I just wasn’t listening.
I struggle with mental illness. Sometimes I get so angry about it. I feel like my attempts to lead a righteous life are sabotaged. I get caught up in the struggles of life and forget about God’s love. I doubt His presence in my life. I doubt the love and acceptance He offers me. I read Psalm 23 and feel jealous. Why don’t I feel the way David feels? What’s wrong with me?
What’s wrong? I’m forgetful. I forget all that God has done for me and all He will do in my future. I forget it’s not about ME and MY feelings. It’s about TRUTH. The truth that God LOVES me. The truth that God DIED for me. And the truth that God ACCEPTS me as I am. Despite the world frequently telling me I’m not enough, GOD says I am. Even when I don’t feel content or at peace, God’s arms are around me waiting for me to relax long enough to feel his presence. It’s not about me. It’s never been about me. It’s never been about my feelings. When we go through hard times – and we all will – I need to remember the truth of Psalm 23: 1-4:
1 The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
3 he refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths
for his name’s sake.
4 Even though I walk
through the darkest valley,[a]
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
God’s truth. Amen.
Komen