It is so hard when you’re depressed, it is so hard when you are discouraged, to get out of the “mud”. You get stuck in the pain you’re feeling. You get stuck in the numbness. You get stuck where you are in your life and it is so hard to get moving again. You start to feel comfortable where you are even if you’re miserable. You’ve adapted to life, created a bubble to live in, and you’re scared to burst that bubble.
My New Year’s was a disaster. I got in a huge fight with my spouse that left me ringing in the New Year in tears. I was without a job and doubted I would ever find one. I was so discouraged from the storm swirling around me, I wanted to give up. The methods I typically used to deal with the depression weren’t working. I couldn’t write. Even though it soothes me, I would sit down and the words wouldn’t come. I tried exercising. Sometimes that would work to distract me but sometimes I would climb up on the elliptical, stand there awhile, and climb back down. I tried reaching out to friends but their love couldn’t penetrate the depression that surrounded me. I was letting the storm swallow me up.
Do you want more?
Sometimes I get so stuck I can’t move but I want more out of life. I don’t want to be stuck in the depression, I want more. Do you want more? Do you want more for yourself than living in the mud? I’m not asking if your family wants more for you. I’m not asking if your friends want more for you. I’m not even asking if the love of your life wants more for you. I’m asking do YOU want MORE for you? Because you can have more. Only you know how much more but you CAN have MORE.
How do I know that? Because I’ve been there. I’ve been in my own bubble, not wanting to deal with anything more but I refused to stay there. I’m not “special”. I just refused to give in to the depression. When I was stuck in the depression, I didn’t give up. I rode out the storm. Not that I rode it out using sheer will. As I came out of this last depressive cycle I told a friend: “I was suicidal one week ago. Literally. It just took one week to turn it around…and lorazepam. A week and lorazepam” It wasn’t until I made a decision to be happy that life improved. Circumstances also improved but it wasn’t until my meds kicked in that I was able to see it. But I didn’t give up. I wanted more than the depression so I held in there.
Why do the work?
It takes work to get more. You have to get out of your bubble. You may need to see a doctor. You may need to stretch yourself but it’s worth it. It’s worth stretching. It’s worth trying something new. It’s worth figuring out what’s going to get you where you want to be whether it’s getting your meds stabilized so the depression isn’t your whole world, going back to school so you have the skills to do the job you want, or reaching out to others so you stop feeling lonely all the time.
What works for you? Exercise? Meditation? Or do you need meds, too? Whatever it is accept what you need to do to have more. Don’t feel bad about your choice of solutions just know you’re not alone. There are others of us right there with you. Do whatever you need to do for you to have more.
Don’t give up
Never give up wanting more. Don’t give in to the discouragement. Don’t look at others and think there’s something different or special that makes them able to do it when you can’t. You CAN! You can have more. You may have to work harder than others, be more patient than others, be more creative than others but you can do it. You can’t just wave a magic wand and have it all get better but if you keep stretching, keep trying, those small steps WILL add up. You will get there. I can’t count the number of times I wanted to give up and then things would turn around. This last week I found a job that I love and it was SO worth waiting for. I’ve told everyone, “God is up in heaven rolling his eyes at me for not believing that job was out there.” I doubted life would ever get better but, even though I wanted to give up, I didn’t give up and I got more.
You can have more
You can have more than what you have right now. It will take time. It will take work but it is achievable. So, want more. Don’t give up. Want more!