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Memories


I have mild cognitive impairment – memory loss. It ranges from mild to serious. On the mild side, I get to watch old TV shows anew. On the more serious side, I don’t remember the birth of my children or my wedding day. But there are some situations where it is a blessing: I don’t remember arguments.

This has been played out in different ways across various relationships. When this first happened, I simply went on my merry way treating everyone as kindly as I could. In one case, two of my loved ones (I was in a fight with one) were on the phone and I shouted out, “LOVE YOU!!!” There was quiet on the other end. I didn’t know I’d done anything strange but then was told about the argument. I came to remember the fact that we were arguing but to this day, I still don’t know what happened fully. This happened multiple times. There were a couple relationships that simply resumed. I apologized to those people and we moved forward even when I didn’t remember the argument or was told by others that I wasn’t the one at fault. And there were some who wouldn’t accept my apology and offer to move on. They held on to the pain and resentment. I was at a loss. I couldn’t remember the argument so my blanket apology was all I could offer.

This gives me a glimpse of how God forgives me. Psalm 103: 11-12 “For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.” God loves us so much, he has forgiven all of our sins – as if they were forgotten. Even though it was our wrong actions, our fault, he offers a fresh start, a new beginning to our relationship. But the choice is ours. We can refuse the forgiveness. We can hang onto the hurt. We can blame God, believing He committed the error. He didn’t heal the illness. He didn’t punish the guilty. He didn’t reject the group we think He should have. We hold on to that hurt. The person forgiving may grieve the loss of the relationship but the choice is on the one holding onto the hurt. All I have to offer is an apology. God offers eternal life, peace and joy. When I hold onto the grudge, I am wrapped in chains. When I accept God’s forgiveness, I am free.

Jasmine Ray-Symms

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